Finding Meaning in the Ashes: who I am now?

The journey is about finding meaning in pain.

Taking difficult decisions, parenthood, the choice to be child-free, a life-altering illness, the death of someone dear (pets included), job loss – these experiences can redefine lives, leaving people adrift in a sea of emotional pain. Whether it's a path we choose or a dark turn we never expected, it's hard. Scary. Adrift with grief, loss, trauma, and the aching realization that we are not the same person we were before. Sometimes, we grasp at anything that feels like solid ground: overworking, endless scrolling, the numbing glow of a screen. These can feel like lifesavers, a way to avoid the crashing waves of emotion. But what if facing the pain, rather than avoiding it, held the key to profound transformation?

The journey is about finding meaning in pain.

I've learned that pain, however agonising, can be the catalyst for incredible growth. The key lies in finding meaning, in understanding how these experiences reshape our identity. Letting go of who we were before is often part of the process—a process that often involves a sudden realisation of how profoundly we've changed, rather than a gradual witnessing of incremental shifts. Is hard work. It means making space for whatever arises emotionally, recognising uncomfortable truths, and facing our "demons"—those aspects of ourselves that act in opposition to life, that move us in the direction of destruction rather than growth.

Finding meaning after a life-transformative experience like loss is like the alchemist's touch, turning pain into wisdom, growth, and purpose. It's not about denying the pain, but facing it, acknowledging it, and asking:

How has this changed me? Who am I now? What purpose can I find now? How have my values changed? Why have my values shifted? What matters now? What am I living for now?

These difficult questions require focus, intentionality, openness to vulnerability, and a deep sense of curiosity. Those who dare to confront their inner "hell," who listen to what it has to say, emerge transformed. They are changed, but they don’t regret the journey. The transformation is simply too profound, leading to a more intentional life.