“We rise by kneeling; we conquer by surrendering; we gain by giving up”
Life has a way of blindsiding us with unexpected losses. A sudden job loss, the end of a cherished relationship, the passing of a loved one – these events can shake us to our core, leaving us feeling lost, broken, and unsure of how to move forward. In these moments of profound grief, an ancient wisdom can offer surprising solace: "We rise by kneeling, we conquer by surrendering, and we gain by giving up."
This quote, often attributed to Hercules's teacher, Chiron, speaks to a paradoxical truth about healing. It suggests that true strength isn't always found in fighting back or clinging to what was, but rather in acknowledging our vulnerability, surrendering to the reality of our loss, and letting go of what we can no longer control.
Kneeling: The Courage to Acknowledge Our Pain
Kneeling isn't about weakness; it's about humility. It's about acknowledging the depth of our pain and allowing ourselves to feel it fully. When we experience a significant loss, our first instinct might be to numb the pain, to push it away, to pretend it isn't there. But true healing requires us to turn towards our pain, to sit with it, to explore its contours. This takes courage. It requires us to be vulnerable with ourselves, to admit that we are hurting.
In therapy, "kneeling" might look like allowing yourself to cry, to express your anger, to acknowledge your fear. It might involve talking about the loss, even when it feels unbearable. It's about creating a safe space for your grief to exist, without judgment or pressure to "move on."
Surrendering: Letting Go of Control
Loss often brings with it a sense of lost control. We feel as though life has been taken out of our hands, and we're left grappling with the pieces. Surrendering, in this context, doesn't mean giving up on hope or healing. It means letting go of the illusion of control. It means accepting the reality of the loss, even when it feels unfair or unjust. It means acknowledging that we cannot change what has happened, and focusing instead on how we can navigate the present moment.
In therapy, "surrendering" might involve letting go of the "shoulds" – "I should have done this," or "I shouldn't have done that." It might involve accepting the messy, nonlinear nature of grief. It's about releasing the need to control the outcome and trusting in the process of healing.
Giving Up: Making Space for New Beginnings
"Giving up" can sound negative, but in the context of healing from loss, it can be a powerful act of self-compassion. It means letting go of the past, not because we don't value it, but because clinging to it prevents us from moving forward. It means giving up on the idea of how things "should" have been, and opening ourselves to the possibility of a different future.
In therapy, "giving up" might involve letting go of old dreams or expectations. It might mean redefining our sense of self in the wake of loss. It's about creating space for new possibilities to emerge, even when it feels scary or uncertain.
It’s what the therapeutic journeys I made in my life brought me and why I want to help people through their transformation. Nothing is more fulfilling that living a life according to our true desires.
The journey of healing from unexpected loss is not easy, but it is possible. By "kneeling" in the face of our pain, "surrendering" to what we cannot control, and "giving up" what no longer serves us, we can create space for new growth, new meaning, and new beginnings. Therapy can provide a supportive and compassionate space to explore these challenging emotions, to make sense of our loss, and to discover the strength within ourselves to rise again. Remember, even in the deepest darkness, the potential for rebirth exists.
